wikialityfandomcom-20200214-history
Abortion
The act of killing a living American citizen by ripping him or her from a pregnant mother's womb God's sacred vessel. Everyone agrees this is too cruel, unusual and inhumane for death row inmates, but we'll ignore the fact that few if any death row inmates are or have ever been pregnant. While the term also applies to non-Americans, be they illegal immigrants or aboriginal or Zulu, we don't care because while kids surviving status as fly bait may eventually starve in Africa, we only care about Americans. Ditto the fact that those living in God's sacred vessel are, well, by definition (silly you) not yet "born" and therefore by the 14th Amendment, are not yet American citizens. Men who masturbate are committing abortion. We should also thank God that war never causes abortions. History In the beginning, God wrote a book called Why Abortion and Homos are Bad and More Important than Everything Else (later re-published as "The Bible". What the Bible says about abortion. In the 1950's the procedure was performed with a wooden 2 pronged fork. In the later decades Lutherans regularly cannibalized aborted fetuses during their gay orgies and demonic sacrifices in the name of "Hargarothikus": an apostle of hell. Now they use like, Shop-Vacs and shit. Or plungers. There is a dispute over whether they use "like" Shop-Vacs and plungers, or actual Shop-Vacs and plungers. If the procedure were to ever become illegal again (God willing), commies and liberals are threatening to abandon all abortion technology and use rudimentary devices like coat hangers, for no particular reason whatsoever. In rare cases a strong aborted fetus will return to life and wreak havoc on the surrounding communities using their pre-birth powers of mind-control. Often referred to as BaAbia's, these pre-children and are often exhumed from the prego tail first. Liberals have invented a new form of abortion, which they call stem cell research. Opinions on Abortion There are 2 different opinions on Abortion: *Human beings believe "The Right Way" - Life begins before conception, therefore abortion is bad... what if a certain Virgin Mary had decided to go down to Ye Olde Abortion Clinic... no Jesus, and then no America... BAD. *Babykillers believe "The Wrong Way" - Let the Bears rip all babies from the womb and eat them! Believers of the wrong way hate babies and want to kill them all. How to identify a babykiller * gives away "free donuts" of your "choice" at orgieshttp://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/2009/01/pro-life_group_up_in_arms_over.php *Instead of calling themselves concieved-again Christians, babykillers call themselves "born-again christians", thus admitting that they believe life begins at birth instead of conception. *Babykillers celebrate "Birthdays" not conceptiondays as non-babykillers do. *Babykillers say "I have two children and one on the way" instead of "I have three children". *True Christian women check their maxi-pads for miscarriages, and hold a funeral when they find one. "Born-again" babykillers don't. *Babykillers have no complaints about the census not counting the unborn. *Babykillers also have no complaints against "birth certificates" while True Christians are lobbying for them to be replaced with Conception Certificates *The vast majority of birth control methods involve killing a fertilized egg, including the ubiquitous birth control pill. That's right, if your wife is on the pill, she's a baby-killer. False-Christians brag about how they oppose abortion, yet they have no complaints about this far more common type of babykilling. *Though they oppose stem cell research, which mutilates dead babies, false-Christian babykillers don't oppose the In vitro fertilisation process which murdered the babies in the first place. Stem Cells are corpses being recycled. It's the fetilization process that created the corpses - and false-Christians don't have anything against it. Abortion Poetry First they came for the stem cells, but I am a liberal, so I don't care. Then they came for the fetuses, but I was saving the whales, so I didn't care. And when they came for the soldiers, there weren't any because the liberals made them all gay. Why do liberals hate America? To send someone you hope will burn in hell an e-card after her abortion, click here. India & China Countless millions of unborn children are aborted here every year. We support our frenemy's "pro-abortion" movement so we don't have to nuke the weird looking bastards. We also support them heavily taxing families in order to limit the number of blessings women can have. See Also *Abortion (The Wørd) *fetal pain External Tubes *Fetus Pain *Abortion Breast Cancer - a study by medical "doctors", not Dr. Stephen Colbert *How To get an Abortion - find a clinic to bomb with tube maps